Hot, hazy and crazy in the Land of Cotton

Let’s talk about the weather. If you haven’t noticed, it’s hot in the Land of Cotton. Dexter (yeh, that would be the pooch with the fluttering ears) seems to have found a solution to the problem.

Of course it is the summer and temperatures generally hover in the mid-90s around here this time of year.

Not that long ago, when I was 20 pounds lighter and running for fun, I enjoyed training in really hot weather. There’s something about jogging a few miles and sweating off a few pounds when the mercury is approaching the century mark that is, umm, sort of edgy – and perhaps such thoughts are brought on by heat exhaustion.

So, how hot is it anyway? I’m glad you asked.

 My sunglasses fog up each morning before I make it to the end of the driveway.

 A neighborhood kid recently cracked an egg on the hood of his father’s BMW, added a little cheese, and managed to pull together a tasty omelet. Not sure how his dad felt about dah yolk!

 While driving home the other evening, the humidity was so high, the lovely Miss Wendy had to keep turning on the windshield wipers to whisk away the sheen of moisture that made it impossible to see where we were headed.

 Birds in the backyard, apparently too hot to care that I’m only feet away, splash about in the small puddles I’ve left behind after watering plants on our patio. Ditto cats and dogs, butterflies, rabbits and the occasional chipmunk.

 Those patio plants, btw, are toast if not watered daily.

 My lawn, along with those of my neighbors and others across the area, is a wretched mess of scorched grass, weeds and bald spots – sort of like my noggin.

 It’s dangerous to just stand around outside, especially if you’re wearing cheap flip-flops and standing on asphalt. Rubber melts and so will you if you’re not careful.

 Storm clouds mass high overhead each afternoon, pulled together by the torrid temperatures, lashing out with torrential showers filled with sound and fury, signifying, ahh, it’s hot!

 That doesn’t stop the swell looking TV weather guys and gals from taking up valuable air time each evening, tracking with breathless wonder the thunderstorms sweeping across the area.

 Shorts, sandals, linen shirts, caps, hats and lots of sunscreen are de rigueur for dis dude!

 And what would we do without air conditioning, ceiling fans, fresh water, soda, slushies, freezonis (yep, there is such a thing), shakes, frozen yogurt and Italian ice?

Finally, September 22. That’s a day you’ll want to mark on your calendar – the first day of fall. Meanwhile, think cool thoughts.