Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Matzo madness: Clean up crumbs, get a laxative

Just a few more hours and I’ll be off my matzo diet for another year. It’s been a challenge once again, finding ways to enjoy the crumbly stuff and finding ways to keep my, ah, system from clogging up.

In the last week I’ve eaten matzo with butter, jam and jellies – all kosher for Passover, natch. I caved and tried matzo based cereals, pasta, cakes and cookies; matzo brei, matzo turnovers, and matzo covered in chocolate. Mostly I’ve been nibbling on plain matzo. Truth to tell, for a week once a year, it’s not bad!

In fact, sticking to the dietary laws of Passover – aside from the religious and spiritual benefits – goes a long way in helping me appreciate the good stuff available the rest of the year. Given my efforts to stay away from sugar and carbs, I won’t be ending the holiday with a treat from Dunkin’ Donuts this year. A nice piece of whole wheat bread, however, is floating about in my day dreams at the moment and will serve nicely to reintroduce me to the joys of leavened goods.

I’m also hoping bread and other sugary goodies will go a long way to unplugging my digestive system and once again introduce my gut to the concept of “going on demand”. I have a theory that the Children of Israel managed to easily conquer Canaan because they were cosmically angry after wandering about for 40 years in a constipated funk.

That’s a little bit of info you’ll probably not find in the Torah. Such rabbinic wisdom can be found in the Talmud, however, buried in the little studied tractate Oy Gevalt wherein Yankele asks Moshe, “Why does matzo make some people constipated?” Moshe responds: “Matzo doesn’t make some people constipated … it makes everyone constipated!”

And on that humorous note, all I can add is Chag Sameach and remember, the clock is ticking!

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