Larry – that would, of course, be the Tom Hanks’ character – after years of grand service as a worker bee with one of those mega-discount stores, is downsized and finds himself struggling to stay afloat. He starts selling off or dumping anything he can do without, including his comfy home in a comfy neighborhood and, eventually, bumps into Julia Roberts in that oh-so cute way that only happens in romantic comedies. I believe it's called "meeting cute".
But I digress. Larry has a ginormous SUV and while pumping it full of fuel spots a dude filling up a sweet little scooter. Larry forks over $75 to fill his gas guzzler; the dude tops off his tank for, ah, $3.75. In the next scene Larry is spotted haggling for a used scooter from his always-holding-a yard-sale neighbor. I think he ends up swapping a flat-screen TV for it.
I've quickly forgotten all the fuzzy and mildly funny stuff that goes on between Tom and Julia in Larry Crowne, but the cute little scooter has lingered in my mind. After all, if Larry is able to save a few bucks by hopping aboard a scooter, shouldn’t I be able to realize the same benefit here in the Land of Cotton?
After some detailed number crunching and cost-benefit analysis, buying a scooter seems a logical thing to do – at least that’s how I think Mr. Spock might view the situation. Unable to reach the Vulcan with the pointy ears, I asked for some feedback from my Facebook friends instead. Big mistake.
The first response, from Bill – my smartass friend, former colleague and occasional traveling companion – was to suggest I check out Dressler’s Funeral Home for additional information. This was followed by a comment from my brother Larry wondering if he was in my will. Okay, I get it. There’s a safety issue to consider.
So here’s the current vote tally. All those in favor of my getting a sweet new ride, fire-engine red with a cute little rearview mirror and lunch box-sized trunk: 0. All those filled with negative energy, suggesting perhaps that I’m out of my friggin’ mind: 1,474. Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Let’s just say that the nays far outweigh the yeas.
Meanwhile, I’m holding out until the vote is tallied in the outlying counties and, ah, Miss Wendy casts her ballot. Stay tuned!