Wednesday, October 6, 2010

How I ended up naked at the airport!

There’s a good chance if you know where to look, you can now spot me au naturel. I know that’s an image most of you will pass on, given the opportunity.

It’s not something I planned. There’s a reason God created clothes and I’m sure I top the list of people who need to keep covered up when possible. There were a few folks, however, who wanted to take a peek recently at what I might be hiding underneath my duds and they aren’t the sort of people you argue with these days.

What with the photo above and the details offered so far, I imagine the rest of this post will be, um, anti-climatic! Nevertheless, here are the juicy details.

The lovely Miss Wendy and I were at the International airport just outside the Land of Cotton a few weeks ago, headed to Phoenix to visit our niece and nephew-in-law. We weaved our way through the ubiquitous security line where Miss Wendy danced her way through the little gate that beeps if you’re wearing any sort of metal. She wasn’t and it didn’t – beep, that is!

Meanwhile, I was pulled aside and sent toward door number 2, the glass encased, full-body scanner that has caused a minor ruckus at airports around the globe. Apparently, some passengers object to being digitally undressed, even in the name of national security.

Truth to tell, I was thinking the whole scanner thing would be fun, sort of a high-tech carnival ride. I was ushered into the enclosed space, told to place my feet on the painted feet at my, ahh, feet, then instructed to raise my arms above my head and form a pyramid with my hands. Don't ask.

It wasn’t until I was all stretched out there, glancing at one guard glancing at me, while another fiddled with a computer console, that I realized I was just sort of, ahhh, hanging out. I wasn’t sure, but it seemed like there was a little smile playing across the face of the computer tech. Might have been my imagination!

After a moment or so, I escaped the scanner, then was asked by yet another guard if it was okay if he “patted” me down. I said sure, but added that this wasn't the sort of thing I generally did on a first date! Actually, I nodded my okay. At this stage of the process, I didn’t really think I had much of a choice.

Although feeling somewhat used and abused, I managed to meet up with Miss Wendy a few moments later. I asked if she had enjoyed the experience as much as me. She wasn't amused.

In recent years, I’ve taken to wearing just the minimum when flying – jeans, shirt, loafers, underwear. When I fly off to Israel in a few weeks, I think I’ll save everyone the bother, and simply wear a towel.

ALL FOR SECURITY: Full-body scanners (photo above) are now being used at many airports to check for hidden weapons and contraband. Officials have promised that images will not be stored on databases. Yeh, right!


  1. You have the RIGHT to OPT-OUT.
    Check out
    for safety and privacy information.

  2. As part of THEIR religious belief system, female Muslims are required by Muslim law to wear their hijabs at all time, permitting them access through gates without scrutiny or detection, hence placing OUR security at risk.

    As a free Jew in America, you are permitted and possess the right to wear anything you wish - even if it's only towel!!!