Having absolutely nothing better to do, I spent the morning cleaning out my closet, sorting through clothes that, in some cases, I haven’t worn since Richard Nixon called the White House home.
In fact, snuggled comfortably in one corner of the closet was the dress uniform that Uncle Sam gave me when he strongly suggested I might want to be part of the country’s military.
I’m holding onto my Dress Greens for sentimental reasons – I’ll certainly never fit into them again – but feel confident I can let go of the bell-bottom trousers, silk shirts and vests that I’m fairly certain put the psyche in psychedelic!
Apparently a few years back – we’re talking the late 90s – I fell in love with Kenneth Cole and a line of dress pants he sold under the “Reaction” label. I can understand buying two or three pairs of pants that fit nicely, are attractive and affordable. What I haven’t been able to recall is why I found it necessary to buy 19 pairs of Kenneth Cole trousers.
Okay, the pants do come in a variety of colors – light brown, medium brown and dark brown – and waist sizes – slim, okay and chubby. But, really, did I have to hold to that ancient Talmudic belief that you can never be too rich, too thin or own too many pairs of Kenneth Cole pants?
Now that it’s been nearly three years – let me repeat that, three years – since I left that place with the printing press and spend most days in jeans or shorts, Kenneth Cole and his Reaction trousers will be finding a new home at Goodwill Industries. So, too, a dozen silk shirts and a half-dozen pairs of argyle socks and the black wingtips they once filled. Add to that mix a half-dozen white dress shirts – who wears white dress shirts, anymore – and a bundle of striped and polka-dotted ties!
There’s still more work to be done. Next to my aging Army uniform is a lime green leisure suit. I bought it in the mid-1970s and last wore it when Elvis was sporting spandex, Jimmy Carter was still in the White House and Iran was our ally. I’m pretty sure it still glows in the dark and will remain radioactive for at least another three decades. For now it will continue glowing in my closet!